of nothingness n more...

It turned out to be just another day. With not much to do. Just a whole lot of thinking. For me such days should be full of relief. I did have office, yes. And work there that needed to be done. Which I sure completed to the best of my abilities. After two weeks of running around...daily rounds to the hospital and blood banks...this sudden lull is strange. Though it should be reassuring, it is far from that. I know the battle hasn't been won yet. Not half fought even. The fear of days to come...stops me from feeling relieved on days like this. When things apparently seem normal...peaceful. But peace is fleeting. Mysterious. Unattainable to say the least.

But when peace acts like an elusive lover, I tend to look deep. I meet people, have fun. But peace I derive from within. A place, which most fail to search. And some forget it exists. But I know it does. Because when everything else seems to be falling apart...this one place never desolates me. I search deep within. And then there is calm.

Today was peaceful enough too. But with a foreboding of the chaos to come. Maybe I will learn how to find my peace of mind by taking refuge in the inner space. For a longer time. For more than just one day. Or even a week...

My best man :)

It has been tough...difficult..to say the least. He was the last person I thought would be so unwell. Being used to his independent and stubborn ways, it was a little tough to see him like this. But then, guess it was my turn to be independent and strong. Maybe it was one of his ways to teach me how to fend for myself. Like he did...when he taught me how to tie my shoelace (it was sheer magic). One end of the lace went inside the loop...and taa daa..his deft fingers had done the trick. Or when he showed me the right way to put on my school socks.

I never realised how much one can love somebody. And well, that is the strangest fact of life. However we think we know, we are always proved wrong. I thought I knew how much I cared. But now I know how little I knew. I realised I could give up on everything. For just him. For the most important man in my life. And while I sit writing this blog, or while am at work...or simply watching a movie with friends with a bucket of popcorn in hand...I try to give in my best. I try living each moment. Like the way he taught me to. Now I realise how precious each second is.