…and yet another invitation... to a marriage reception of an ex. But this is not new to me. Even a couple of years back, this would have made me feel good about myself and about the world in general. The invite would be a proof of how well I had handled my break-ups even as a 16-year-old! But, no longer do I feel so unidimensional, so at peace with everything around me, so glad to have closed chapters (if they ever can be) and having emerged unscathed. The invitations are a nagging reminder that I may not have always done it the right way. They are a reminder of how closed chapters, when reopened, can be unnecessarily bothersome. They remind me that the cordial and civil way isn’t always the best. If having to spend all my salary over buying wedding gifts was not enough, my having been "nice" and "mature" after dumping (ouch…harsh choice of word, I know!) people in my past has paid off too [oxymoron alert!]. With everyone (sans a few) rushing to tie the knot AGES before me, I wonder if I will be left with any money to arrange my own wedding, which btw, is still unplanned… like everything about me. Ever since I have shrugged off a tiny bit of the I-am-so-happy-with-everything attitude, not all these invites make me happy! Maybe I, like most in my profession, or of my age, have gone a little cynical. Former invites I accepted as genuine extensions of friendly gestures; which were proof of ‘there is no more bitterness’! And boy was I glad! I even attended a few of these weddings, got gifts (for the bride of course), and was also guilty of secretly checking out this new woman, while being at my charming best! But this last invite got me thinking… Is this normal? Will I ever invite my former flames to my wedding? Of course I won’t! However, receiving these invites would surely make that a tad difficult. I mean, aren’t you supposed to invite those who had invited you to their D-day? And why do I keep receiving such invites from men (who once were boys, and were as silly as you expect boys to be), who once were oh-so-much in love with me? Is this their way of showing me they never cared? Or are they just being manly, and showing off? "Look what you missed girl…" is that what they seem to be saying? Or is it a way of reviving my belief in "nothing ever ends"? Maybe they are just being coldly-cordial with me, just the way I have been with them. Who knows…
